Courage

Noun - The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face

difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

Courage can be as little as stepping out of your home wearing something that makes you feel “like you” because it feels good. Courage can be taking on advice that resonates with your own story, and applying it without fearing the judgement of others.. courage can come in the form of standing up to another using your voice.

This is where I see my courage being of use… stick with me here. I've been thinking about posting this for quite a while, but now my tolerance has become pushed to a point where I am compelled to use my voice to helpfully effect positive change.

I am in a forum which can come with its “you’re putting yourself out there so expect judgment” views (truth be told I don’t actually get much negative feedback on here, maybe it’s because majority know the purpose of me being here is to help and to have fun along the way..).

On a daily basis I come across beautiful women who have their own inner stories, the unheard ones within that prevent them from shining. These stories prevent them from wearing certain things because they truly feel doing so could come with negative judgement or presumed criticism; these stories likely prevent them going into stores or even turning up to school gates because they fear being looked up and down, or even weirdly judged for just owning something “expensive”.

Sadly, it’s the judgements from other women that hurt the most. The picking apart of another woman's shine and self esteem for no reason other than to make the person judging deflect their own inner needs, lack and desire of a shine that they want to feel too.

I have two teens and an 11 year old. One of my teens is a young gorgeous beautiful, bright, very funny young woman who I encourage (even that word has courage) to listen within, to not listen to the knockers because they are only feeling lack within themselves and will put down another to artificially elevate their own selves. I also ask her to not judge those around her, as you never know the full reasons why they are acting the way they do. Surrender to supporting, and do it with an energy of love to send their way as it shifts your energy to one of fullness, rather than lack.

I often ask why do we pack in groups, sit round, talk of others, make assumptions that are untrue.. make fun of.. what is it inside that makes us feel it’s ok to say things like “OMG did you hear what…. (fill in the blanks) did, said, wore, the list goes one. It tells me a lot about someone when they are in a space of putting another down, as this is a true reflection of how sometimes we/they feel about ourselves/themselves. I am no angel either mind you, but I have learnt a lot along the way.

I’m tired of this mass judgement, when in times of late we should be shouting from the roof-tops “keep going, you’re amazing”, “I love your lippy”.. (this was said to me today, it lifted me). This work has an amazing ripple effect. It has a pay it forward mentality and it's a community service we can do so easily and with such great impact for not only the person receiving the kind word, but also to us as the giver.

When you feel great, and you tell others how great they look, you consolidate your own strength and self-confidence.. you'll be less worried about another’s thoughts of judgment.. you'll tend to stop sitting around making yourself feel better by putting another down. Your conversations become properly beautiful. You'll want to discuss real things, not shallow/negative stuff that only ends up making everyone feel a bit miserable and less.

I work tirelessly in my role to be a woman with integrity, an authentic voice, I boost my sisters around me who are doing it tough some days, boosting other woman in business, boosting just beautiful Mums just coming into a new stage in life, older woman in heavy corporate roles, showing others to be brave, because there are days we can’t do it ourselves…

My advice, learn to love you, don’t listen to others when they are pulling apart another, being courageous can mean having understanding and acknowledging that you don’t know someone’s story. If they are struggling, reach out, ask if they are ok rather than assuming you think you know the story. If you hear things, and you know it’s not the truth, stand up for the one not around to have a voice. This is common.. You are more respected for speaking up, than not.

I have many examples of what i see and hear daily, but this one hits - someone I know was picked apart by work colleagues prompting her to reach out to ask how she should “dress down” to fit. True Story. 

My response? “Don’t you dare, you do that and doing so puts you onto a slippery slope of no return - and, most importantly, what does that teach your daughters? To downgrade yourself to fit into others lives?” Nope… don’t do that. You stand your ground, stay true to who you are and the rest will follow. That’s bravery and courage right there.

To the ones who I hear and know make judgment of me, personally. I’m doing just fine thank you; I’m coming to a place of contentment. It’s taken me a long time - years in fact - of hard work, years of determination to understand my inner voice isn’t stupid, I just wasn’t allowing it to be louder, to allow my gut to speak clearly without my head taking over. I can’t do the work I do of holding others up without it…. which brings me to question: How are YOU? Are you doing ok?? Maybe you need to spend some time asking yourself some big questions, and when you do, know that I am always here to help you, and support you, too, with nothing but love, a giggle or two, and no judgement of your story, 'cause life is too short for this shit.

Quote “it’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to understand. understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to to believe that good hearts sometimes poor methods. Through judging, we separate. Through understanding we grow”

xx Lou