What makes me the boss of me...

I wasn't planning on posting this today, but I am, so here it is..

I got inspired by a gorgeous friend who got in touch asking me a question.

I get a few requests for what keeps me going, motivated and on top. What am I doing that you can all see on social, "look like i'm giving it my all".

It might look like I have it all, it might look like I've got it all together, and that is mostly true...TO ME. The second I stopped worrying what others thought or what I thought they were thinking.. game changer. I used to suffer terrible self belief as you may have read in the past and what I’ve done to basically get over this crippling fear of it . I’ve mentioned the exercise element, what fashion does for me and helping others to feel their best equivalent to their lifestyles.

One things for sure is that I definitely love and learnt more about myself while I was away is that sometimes I crave alone time!! I used to feel so incredibly guilty and selfish about this.. like “you’re a Mum/wife who should and does give to everyone else first, how dare you enjoy “meeee time you selfish wench”!!

Well I can tell you that yes, I very much used to feel that, but now I don’t. Even though I was lucky to head away for 3 weeks somewhat alone, I still wasn’t. 3 weeks in someone else’s space continually for at times got too much even for me.

I’m absolutely the social butterfly from what you see here on times, but I also get my energy from retreating back into my cave and letting my mind and body replenish and allow myself to get what it needs to carry on in my daily life.

I'm very sensitive, spiritual and pick up a lot on more than I should from others at times. Much as this sometimes I thought was my downfall to take on others peoples stuff, I now see this as a benefit due to the fact that I know we are all significant on whatever field we play. For me to get to this place, sometimes that’s a coffee alone or with a girlfriend, sometimes it’s a run outside or on the treadmill with my headphones on to lose myself in my imagination. Alone time is when I just find me, make the time to find out what I love to have the energy to carry on in my normal tasks.. Self care for me is not taking on board other people’s shit, gossip unless it involves me, and just generally I'm happy for others and that we can NEVER judge what goes on behind closed doors. Perception and assumption can ruin not only friendships but a lot of things that are unsaid.

This year I stopped listening to those made-up super negative voices in my mind that I thought were real, who put me down telling me I’m a failure. I know now I’m not a failure, I’m really great at my job, and I’m so willing to put myself out on here (singing, dancing and making a general fool...) so that you guys feel comfortable enough to share, feel and know that what you’re going through is soooooo normal!!

I do use fashion as my platform, it might look shallow but it’s not, I do know a thing or two about it, and it’s amazing what an outfit can do to lift or brighten how you may feel. I’m deeper than you might think..stilettos and all.

I've noticed the more I share on here about me, the more I’ve noticed I’m getting lovely messages back from you all saying you all feel the same and I’m helping you understand that it’s OK to just be you.

So I hope this helps to those who just sometimes feel some days are tougher. We’ve all got our shit, me included, and the first step is to stop thinking what others do and have as seen as better than yours, cause I can tell you it ain't!

It never happened "overnight" like some might think, this has been the hardest and best year I've ever had in my life. it's been a process over the last few months that have really changed me. I'm 40 in December and I vowed that i'd wake up that day being truly grateful for every opportunity, person and shit that life has thrown me this year.

This is what makes me, me, and only me. Like I've said before and i'll keep on saying it, what makes us all individually happy is up to no-one else, and what makes me go "yeah" on the inside might not be yours, so just find YOUR thing..

X Lou

P.S I will carry on as normal writing fashion blogs too.. x